I’m sitting in Kingfield Maine tonight, the same place I took the above photo last winter. I have no driving hours left for today so I must rest for my mandatory 10 hours off so I can clear my log. I can think of worse places to overnight.
As this is such a quiet place I find myself pondering the last 7 days or so. I’ve come to a few conclusions, or maybe I have just accepted something I have known all along. I am not like most people as I only like the company of others in small measures as a general rule. There are a chosen few I feel a kinship to like some family members, a friend of almost 20 years that I go shooting with, and one fellow blogger.
And yet this past week I tried to reach out to others with the same old results. I don’t really feel sad but actually empowered with their lack of response. In my experience, most people I have tried to become close to have let me down, yet I feel no ill will towards any. I am not living in denial as I’m sure part of the problem is me, but most people don’t take the time to understand who I truly am. You can’t describe a life in 140 characters or less, you can’t have a meaningful interaction on Facebook. You cant expect friendships to blossom from thin air but effort is required to achieve results. Anything good in life is worth the time and that’s why I blog and take photographs. Both are a way to express who I truly am in words and pictures, in thoughts and with sight.
If you look up Introvert in the dictionary you may find a picture of me. I tend to be a deep thinker, as long as I can avoid the interruptions of others. I’m not one to send a lot of emails even to those I consider friends, but I will respond almost immediately if I receive one. If a friend needed help I would show up without being asked, but I find it hard to ask others for help. I’m very independent and wish to live a simple life, such as the draw of life on a boat. I don’t shun society as a whole, but I prefer less and less people around me as I grow older. I, like a person I hold in high esteem, have a future path I wish to follow…
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms…”
― Henry David Thoreau
I have spent many days alone in the woods of Maine and I feel a strong love for this state. The creeks and streams, ponds and lakes. The evergreens and maples, the ferns and ladyslippers. All a part of natures bounty free to those who wish to venture into the backwoods.
And yet I now feel the draw of a life adrift, the smell of the sea fills my dreams. The cry of the gull and the splash of the dolphin riding my bow, these things draw me deeper into the dream of a life free of the trappings of modern life. Letting go of constant connections and the ever present drag of instant answers, I will immerse myself in the simple pleasure of cooking a meal or walking my dog. Sailing to a new harbor, the freshening wind on my face. Capturing the sunset or swimming in the clear water. No more lies to myself, no more thoughts of what I should or should not be. I will suck out the marrow out of a life in it’s simplest form, and woe to the man who tries to interfere.