After All

We steal to lose every color
From the sky
Then crawl as a child
While the shadows burn our eyes

We know there’s no longer shine
On this burned out rainbow

Lately it seems we’ve been chasing
What times resolved
Maybe something means nothing here
After all

Whispers are now screams
This conclusion never ends
My pride with your kiss
Even angels can’t defend

We know we’re running head on
Into our confusion

Still we hide safe behind these crumbled walls
Cause we know there’s nothing here after all

After All – Collective Soul

I sat on this bench today for over an hour thinking about the past, the future and where I hope to be in a year. Like most people I have had my share of heartaches, scars on my heart that will never truly heal. And yet I feel there is something more here after all.

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This is the view of Camden Maine from the summit of Mt Battie in the Camden Hills State Park. Today is the second day of my mini vacation from driving a truck for the purpose of recharging my personal batteries. As of late I find my will to sustain the trials of everyday life strained to the breaking point, a frustration rooted in my impatience born out of a strong need for true independence.

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The call of the ocean and all the freedom it promises is tearing at my very soul, calling to me even in my sleep to let go the bonds of Terra Firma and feel the exquisite rhythm of the moons control, the sway of the winds force shaping the water that covers the earth. I so long for the release of solitude, and yet I still manage to find some resolute kindness in my fellow man.

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When I made the decision to come to Camden for my vacation I thought I might find accommodations suited to my tastes, albeit a little expensive, but what I found was so much more than a place to rest my weary head. What I found was new friends.

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Within these walls I found a place Betty Davis called home on her many visits to Maine. I also found an overwhelming sense of comfort in the arms of the hosts, Bob and Cat Hobson. The currant owners of this stately home have an manor of considerate ease, a presence in keeping with all that is gracious and kind just the way innkeepers should be. I must admit I was happy to find such exuberant souls so happy in their place on this earth.

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On my way here I took this photo of the Penobscot Narrows Bridge. My dream of sailing under this gateway to my freedom is still very strong, the image a focus of desires sweet draw. The day I set sail, free from the bonds of a life I neither want nor can escape as of now, will be the rebirth of one so eager to let go the past.

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When I snapped this shot this morning I felt an incredible feeling of calm, a sense of peace that will fill the voids of my mind and soothe the scars of a youthful folly. The power of the sea is the salve that will lesson the sting of all that is painful, push aside all that haunts my dreams. I will let go the past and embrace the future for what it should be.

Here is a few more pictures of this blessed vacation…

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Lastly I would like to share a poem I wrote some years ago. It still holds sway to the soul that resides within…

The Sea, the sea, her draw unrelenting
In her depths, voyages of glory and anguish
Names written down, never forgotten

Searching her shores for childhood castles and dreams long washed away
The sun kisses water as fish and fowl bow gracefully before her beauty
The pull of wind over sails, the feeling of conquest as you search for distant shores

The smell of fear as waves crash over decks
The wild eyes of sailors set with steely determination
The comfort in the gental sway anchored in the lee of a tropical island

All these things and more abound within the grasp of those who wish it
The Sea, the sea…as she calls out, come to me…

John David Ray

 

18 thoughts on “After All

  1. My brother & I chartered a sailboat in Gloucester, MA to carry out my Dad’s last wishes. I forgot the name of the boat, but it was Captained by a guy named Raffi. He docked in the marina past Americold East Main. He summers there & winters in Bermuda. Something in my gut says you two should meet.

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    1. Thanks Isabel! If you get a chance, go to the Blackberry Inn for even a night. Bob & Cat show the world how to run a B&B. Very gracious.

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  2. I was thinking Raffi might help with whatever that roadblock was that you ran into. When I get home, I will see if the brochure is still buried on my counter.

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  3. That poem is really lovely. Deep like the ocean, strong like her waves, soulful and heart searching. I understand exactly where you are. So close to the start of your new life, the call so strong in your heart that it is hurting. The frustration that you can almost touch and taste it but you know you have little further to go before it truly envelopes you. I understand my dear friend, I understand. But I am delighted that you found not just a place but the comfort of strangers to become friends on your vacation. That place looks ideal and idyllic and it surely was but the icing on the bun is the meeting of good people who you can call friends and who I hope you will call on often. Go softly. I am not far away 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So good to hear from you! A lot on my plate as of late. (Go back a few posts to see) Big announcement coming soon with big plans now in motion!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I will. And I will email you. I have been occupied with the wrong stuff since I arrived. I’ll fess up privately to you (and it’s OK Two Brains and I are all good) but not on this forum. I’m hoping there is light ahead though. You and I are generally aligned, n’est-ce pas?

        Liked by 1 person

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