Haven’t Got Time For The Pain

All those crazy nights when I cried myself to sleep
Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore
‘Cause I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you

You showed me how, how to leave myself behind
How to turn down the noise in my mind
Now I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that’s just how much it cost to survive in this world
‘Til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white light
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you

Haven’t Got Time For The Pain – Carly Simon

Was Carly singing about someone in her life, maybe someone she was hoping to meet? I would like to think it’s more of an arrival at an introspective moment. A moment when we realize all comfort and compassion, all beauty and joy, all pain and pleasure start from within.

If life gives you lemons make lemonade, right? I believe that to be true. Take the most sour moment, add a little sugar and transform something bad into something good. You can’t control all that happens to you so go with it. Look deep down in the shadows of pain and you will find there is something there, a lesson to be learned that leads to a better life.

IMG_8945It was 1 year ago tomorrow that I buried my father. I still hold an image in my mind of standing there alone as 2 service members played “Taps” and folded the flag in honor of his service to this country. He may not have ultimately wanted to go and fight in Korea, but he did his duty with honor and distinction. At the end of his life any interaction with members of the military brought forth a visible pride and camaraderie that always made me smile.

IMG_6537 copyI will never forget taking him to a military parade on the grounds of the VA Hospital in Maine he was living in. He saluted every uniform that went by just as smartly as any solider still in the service. He never smiled once, just a solemn reverence for those who shared in the experience that is war. We who have never been can only look on and wonder, try with all that we know to imagine how it feels to be at the precipice of life lost, the stench and gore that is the aftermath of kill or be killed.

Version 2Anyone who endures this and lives is forevermore altered for good or bad, each according to their own strengths. My father never seemed to let this alter who he was, never let it change his values. He married my mother complete with 3 children that were not his own, no thought for the trials that would befall that decision.

Even after having 2 children of his own he and my mother brought in several foster children at the same time. How many people that you know would take on such a burden with only one breadwinner? My parents did without hesitation. Where is the lesson here? Self sacrifice and self sufficiency are the words they lived by, and I hold that to be words and ideals to live by. They instilled in me a longing to live and let live, accept nothing from others unless I can return an equal share in return. That is the future I have chosen for myself.

Renegade2-17Today I took my best furry friend Vinny to the Vet as I could sense something was wrong. He is blind in one eye, almost completely in the other, arthritis in his back and very weak in his hips due to it. It seems he may be starting down the path of congestive heart failure and has a heart murmur.

He is about 18years old as best we can tell, and has spent almost all of those years as my best friend and confidant, and I love him about as much as you can a pet. With some new medication we can stabilize him, make him comfortable, but the end is in sight.  I don’t think I will put him through another harsh winter, so this fall I will lay him in my lap at the Vet, and hold him as he drifts away. I want the last thing he knows in this world is the love of someone who cared more for him than any other. That thought and missing my father has made this a hard couple days to say the least.

But I haven’t got time for the pain. I can’t let things I have no control over set the tone for the remainder of my life. The white light pouring down from the heaven comes from within all of us. Each has something deep inside that talks to our souls, all one must do is listen and learn, believe and follow. You hear that voice and sometimes ignore it, you allow your fears to overpower what you know to be right, only to be let down by the weakness of the easy path.

You have to face up to your own weakness, place blame where it belongs. Stop living in a world you cannot achieve, stop following a dream that is too rich for your worth. Like Mick Jagger said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need!” Follow the reasonable path and live a life fulfilled.





13 thoughts on “Haven’t Got Time For The Pain

  1. Sorry to hear about Vinny. Although we knew there could not be long left, it is still a very difficult decision to make and you are always going to do what is best for your best mate. I hope the remaining time together is full of joy and love.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ma’s coming back to Maine after spending more time in Massachusetts than wanted or planned. The ice is not out of the lake. Why? It’s not time. We don’t decide when the right time is. It’s not based on our convenience.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your parents were amazing. Not everyone has the capacity to foster children. As for Vinny – what a long wonderful life he has had with you. A well traveled pet. You will miss him terribly but what a kindness we can give our pets, helping them into the hereafter. I have been there so often for our many pets. I think I commented on this already – maybe it disappeared into spam?

    Liked by 1 person

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