Honesty

If you search for tenderness
It isn’t hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don’t want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

When I’m deep inside of me
Don’t be too concerned
I won’t ask for nothin’ while I’m gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
‘Cause you’re the one I depend upon

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

Honesty – Billy Joel

Dogs don’t lie. They don’t cheat on you, they don’t steal from you, and they love you no matter what. They are always happy to see you, and all they ask in return is a pat on the head, love in return and some food. The relationship between a man and his dog is a very natural one filled with sincerity and trust so often lacking between humans. My dog Vinny is my best friend.

I have been single for many years now, and I admit I am quite comfortable with it. Being single has allowed me to pursue my goals without the added duty to a relationship. I am able to focus all my energy into the goal at hand. It’s not that I want to be alone, but I am 52 years old and set in my ways. I don’t feel the need to adapt, modify or change my path to suit the needs of another. Does that sound bad? I used to think so, but now it just sounds honest. If I am to have another woman in my life it’s because we have the same goals. Until then I will remain single.

I am no saint, I have made plenty of mistakes. My past is riddled with poor decisions, heavy drug use, neglect of loved ones and many more regrets I have to live with. I have come clean on a past blog, bared my soul to the world and tried to find some meaning to the time I have left on this earth. I started this new blog with the hope of a new day, a new start for a new me. Sadly I find honesty is still lacking.

I had over 300 “Followers” on my prior blog. When I changed to this one I made it very clear in my last post, including a link to the new blog, and yet only 7 people followed me here. Out of that 7 only 5 bother to interact with me at this point. To those 5, and you know who you are, I say you truly are friends to me and I can’t thank you enough. I’ve always said if you have 2 or 3 true friends in your life your doing good, so I’m ahead of the game!

So what happened to the other followers? Just like with this new blog, people follow you to get you to follow them. The number of likes and follows is the goal, a false support structure of fake friends much like Facebook. Each “Like” boosting your self esteem and somehow filling in the void left by a lack of meaningful relationships in your life because most people are shallow and insincere. It’s not that people are bad, it’s just today’s society. We live an “Online” life that is not truly our own, an image of who we think will draw the biggest crowd. I am guilty as charged. I am soon to be done with that.

I believe in deep introspective assessment, a thorough and complete look at who you really are in the light of what others see. If you can’t express the deepest part of oneself in a manor that all can understand, than how can you truly understand yourself?  What inspires you, what are your true goals in this life? What are you most passionate about? For me it’s photography, travel, writing and independence. I hope to achieve that with my future lifestyle living on a sailboat. I want my followers to read my posts because they truly enjoy what I write, they are drawn in by the photo’s I post. I look at every persons post’s that follow me and follow them if it interests me. I ask the same in return.

As I strive to reach my goal of independence, moving away from society as a whole, I feel a deepening desire to be totally in control of my future. No I cant control everything but I will be making a change in the near future with regards to my online presence. I am going to drop wordpress for an independent website showcasing what my goals are. Photography and writing about my travels will be my primary pursuits with a little bit of refit blogging and other such postings. My web address will stay the same but a controlled atmosphere will be a thing of the past. I wish to be free and honest with who I am and what I believe.

So to those precious few, the ones that make up my tiny circle of friends, I say thank you. These past few years of blogging have dragged me out of the rock I was living under, brought me into the light of a better existence with the help and support of the people that made a point of finding out who I am, hanging with me through all the self deprecating posts and slogs of despair I have put you through. Who needs hundreds of followers with the special few I hold dear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

24 thoughts on “Honesty

  1. I always enjoy reading your posts! And I enjoy the pic’s too a lot. There are times after I read your posts that I really want to comment .. they cause me to think deeply about things and then something comes up and I’ve got to tend to life away from the computer! Truthfully… I enjoy your writtings very much…. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Stay warm and dry.. another snow storm heading our way here in Maine… truly a white Christmas this year!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. i am always happy to see one of your posts in my inbox. I love reading about your adventures on the road and am looking forward to more of your adventures on your sailboat. You are a gifted writer–I certainly hope we will be reading your posts for a long time to come. Best wishes to you and Vinny

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 😢 It doesn’t happen often, but your post brought me to tears.. No matter what the subject has been, your writing is always a good investment of time spent reading..

    This picture of Vinny is my new favorite picture of him..

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I am (apparently) in the circle of 7 who followed you. I admire the journey you’ve made, the future you envision and are making a reality. It’s heartening to see someone else do that. I originally followed you on your other blog because of Vinny and because you drove rig; a thing my deceased husband did. It reminded me of happier times. And we’re a lot alike you and I. The difference is that you’ve embraced a future and I seem to live in my past and I really don’t want to go forward. Today is Christmas Day and it’s brought home sharply just how empty life is. But best wishes to you and Vinny and a very happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t “follow” because of unrequested stuff that would end up on the stupidphone. Go find the songs “Fake Friends” by Joan Jett & “True Friends” by Shannon Curfman. In order for someone to be truly honest, they must see what the real truth is & not what they want it to be. One of these days, I’ll be able to spend holidays in Maine & not have to turn back into a Masshole every year. Be good, or be good at it, fellow driver.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m going to flatter myself that I’m one of the five (even if you did have to prompt me to find this post that I had missed in the mayhem of Christmas Eve). I am your follower, your friend because I want to be. I don’t have many friends and the ones I choose I am loyal to. I stick (though hopefully not like a tic) through thick and thin. Your writing, which has developed into a strong, meaningful and very moving voice full of truth and wisdom, is a treat for me as a reader. Your decency shines out and that means even more. And then there is the little detail of Vinnie who I have a dog-crush on from afar. Keep doing what you do, saying what you say and being who you are because in my opinion and for what it’s worth you are a very special man indeed. Who knows what the future holds? I don’t. But I do know that my world is a better world since you appeared in it and I do wish you the best of everything yet to come. Good surprises, dreams siezed and moments relished. And a glass or a bottle of cognac with your whacky Anglo-French friend x

    Liked by 2 people

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