May I Find Some Comfort Here

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard, at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

And maybe empty
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back

The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don’t make no difference
Escape one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness
Oh, this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Angel – Sarah McLachlan

I felt compelled to write this post today though I have been thinking about it for some time. Sitting alone in the cab of my truck just seemed to bring forth all the sadness and pain I have felt for so long that I’ve lost track of when it started. Like most people I have had my share of sorrow, felt the shattering blow of loss. How we as individuals cope with these things is a window into the deepest part of our souls, a measure of the strength that comes from a place we may not even know exists. Untapped by many, they give up and follow a path that leads to blackness, give way to the darkness that promises to soothe. This path I will not follow, I will never give in or give up.

IMG_0419 (Large)My losses may pale in comparison to others, my pain shallow in the depths it could go. And yet these are my cuts and scrapes, festering and sore I try to cleanse them as best I can, and yet the infection goes on. Sorrow knows no friend, sadness fears no enemy. I search for an answer in the beauty that is nature, try to capture the essence in still life that comes forth in every tree, every creature. The feeling of a fresh ocean breeze on my face, the smell of freshly cut grass. The sharp bark of my best friend as he bounds towards me, the unconditional love that only pets give us. These are the things that lighten my load, lessen the sting of open wounds.

IMG_9478 (Large)We all must face these things in our own way, find the simple beauty to offset darkness lest we fall prey to the hold despair can have over us. Each in his own searches for something that enlightens their body and mind and brings forth a new found joy and zest for life. Dig deep and see that there is so much to behold, so much to taste and touch.

I am determined to shake my fist at all that would drag me down, let nothing stand in my way. I have made my choice, I am following the dream I hope will bring peace to my soul. The gental solitude of the sea, the feel of the sun on my face. The sway as the waves rock me to sleep, a simple meal made from natures bounty. All this and more awaits me as I go forth and have no fear. Long live the pioneers!

“I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way, where the wind’s like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.”

Sea Fever by John Masefield

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13 thoughts on “May I Find Some Comfort Here

  1. Grieving is not a simple process. Just when you least expect it, even years on (I’m more than 14 years from the loss of my Daddy) it grabs you and smothers you and leaves you feeling broken with pain. And of course it eases with time – the first year peppered with all those reminders so recent – birthdays, big celebrations private moments – they all serve to make the pain so raw it feels like drowning. But you can and you will. You will do this, you will get there. Petits pas à petits pas (little steps by little steps) you are on the way. Your goal ever nearing. If you have never read it, I urge you to read ‘The Boys in The Boat’ …. I think it will strike the right notes at the right time. Sending strength, fortitude and great love over the ocean.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Such beautiful words of hope you’ve written here John. I too miss my mum, in fact this post moved me to tears. I love the song Angel, which I heard played on the night she died. Always takes me back. Hugs to you my friend from afar.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ever since the storms the other day, I haven’t had a good data signal.. But I’m glad to find this post.. Mom passed in 2012 and I know grief will always wash over me at times.. My heart hurt for you as I read.. The song itself brings tears.. The combination of post and song makes it all the more intense.. As we all have our own hurts, we can’t help but want to ease the pain our family and friends go thru.. Sometimes we can accomplish that to a degree.. We can only be here for each other..
    Hugs John 💛

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sometimes grief just hits us when we least expect it but particularly at this time of year when we think about family events. I try to embrace it and feel relief that I loved people enough to grieve for them. Thinking of you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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